- *hears noises at night*: well this is it this is the end for me I had a good life
- *gets shampoo in my eyes*: I guess I'm blind now how am I ever going to see my first born child
- *heart is beating fast*: I think I am having a heart attack is this what cardiac arrest is
- *a cop walks by*: here I go about to get arrested I probably murdered someone
- *taking a test*: don't take your eyes off of this paper you will get caught cheating and get kicked out of school and amount to nothing
- *gets a sunburn*: great now I have skin cancer how will I tell my parents
- *tripping over something*: I guess my leg will have to be amputated why did this happen to me
- *period is late*: shit i'm pregnant i'm the next virgin mary
The best of The Mayhem Guy from the Allstate commercials
okay, but where is, “I’M THE SMARTEST RACCOON I KNOW”
better
Okay good i didn’t want to reblog this without the racoon one
all of this is just perfect
(Source: agentspooky)
Things that will make a Scorpio hate you very quickly:
- Interrupting them mid-story
- Telling them they “have a lot of anger”
- Intruding into their space without permission
- Shade-throwing
- Talking to them beneath their level
- Calling them out in public
- Taking their seat. (If it’s something they’ve claimed as theirs, it’s dangerous to touch it without permission)
- Gossiping
- Giving advice when they did not ask for it
